Author's Note: This piece may sound completely different compared to the writing I've done before, because, well, not saying names, but, some groups in language arts gave us some very... different characters and settings. This is just the introduction, but I hope you like it. Please comment for any suggestions on how to make this better.
The talking waffle shark was frolicking in the unicorn pastures of Cloud 9 happily enjoying himself. A low rumble suddenly filled Carlos', the waffle shark, ears. It must be nothing, thought the waffle shark. Carlos continued to frolic through the unicorn pastures when the same noise streamed into his ears. This can be no coincidence, thought Carlos. This last rumble seemed much closer than before. He searched and searched for the source of the noise, but could not find it. After giving up, IT came. As you can see, children have many odd and wacky fears in their youth lives. Can these be prevented?
I think that you have very good word choice and conventions, but I think that you wanted to put a comma after, I this can be no coincidence. Overall, I thought you did a really good job.
ReplyDelete(Also, the setting wasn't that weird.)
I would say that this was a great hook right up to, "After giving up, IT came," which was a perfect place to make a reader stop and think,"IT? What is IT? I must know!" After that point, it actually sounded like the start to an essay thesis. Consider the possibility of leaving it out as unnecessary detail.
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